Hi and welcome, I'm still new here but I can relate to a lot of what you've said. I quit drinking in the past because every time I drank I'd get blind drunk and abusive to... well... anyone near me. I've ended up destroying relationships, friendships and suffering the occasional kicking because of it. I started drinking again because I thought I could control it. And I did for a while.
Recently, however, it's become clear that I can't control my drinking. I'v not been as openly aggressive as I was about 12 years ago but my life has suffered in some big ways and, frankly, I'm lucky it's not worse.
When I get drunk; I do things that are downright dangerous at worst and unpleasant at best. For me I don't care if I'm an alcoholic or alcohol abuser. They key word is alcohol. It needs to go and I have a lot less to loose than you (so thank you for sharing). You clearly know this though and have taken the first step which is a great move, now you just need to keep stepping
Look forwards and not behind, if you're wife is still around then there's still hope to repair things and for you both to be happy.
Don't worry about labels and trust yourself. You've identified it's a problem. Regardless of the label; you need to remove the problem. No one here will judge you and will only offer support.