..had been beautifully clean and sober since Christmas....
....then binged Saturday evening and all day Sunday.
Hello,
I wish I could just say it ended at wine and whisky but inevitably I did what I feared doing and left the house to seek other substances. Probably I wanted to try moderation in the "future" because of wine......but the other substances I never wanted to put near my again. They are vile and dirty...exactly how I feel after consuming, so it's time to concede that if I want the other substances gone forever (which I do....consider that since Christmas I've been exercising five days per week, sometimes with a double day...) then the alcohol (gateway) has to go (easier said than done giving it features so much)...
Anyway, I still have over ten single malts (they were for the "future" of course) and some wine so inevitably the "negotiations" begin.....wait until christmas? But start now and have three months under the belt already at Christmas...
better now. cut the losses and start fresh. too much risk. in that one binge I've lost a lot of cash and a lot of energy. a day off work and whatever damage I've done to my health. convinced my heart was going to explode yesterday...
Feeling dumb, been in this situation countless times. seems to be a repeat pattern. Sober, binge, sober, binge, sober, binge, sober, binge....
There is a lot that I need to analyze from the past few months in order to learn the lessons so I can recognize it should it repeat. Silly decisions that seemed inconsequential at the time but are glaringly obvious right now....
Actions speak louder than words. Wine promises me romance and relaxation but what I get is chaos, pain and loss. These have been the past actions, so rationally speaking they shall be the future actions, should I choose to put the poisoned chalice to my lips.
Risk is a lot compared to the perceived reward.