Hey!!!!!!
I am over in Europe!!!
And I am here because I have missed you all soo much, and to share the good news! I am still sober
29 days to be exact, but whos counting!? It is definetly tempting here, especially with the many "occasions" on which I "should" use like "normal" people. I just say no thanks...and there is really no urge or weird stares. It's my choice and people accept it...also, I have been really happy just being here, (its enough)
I have found that I still need to work on myself, and that is the true struggle, not the addiction, that really is just a symptom.
I have some fresh advice thats others may not remember (because they are long recovered and still posting) for newcomers!!!!!!! YAY
It is Day 29 for me, and if you asked me which has *felt* longer-the years of my using (4 years) or these 29 days - I will tell you--these 29 days!!!!!!!!!
Each day, esp. in the beginning, feels like an eternity. It is like an inner battle with yourself that feels like a mideaval war, lasting thousands of years. Once you get through those first days where you are not using and feel withdrawals are gone, you are still not free, knowing you will never be free in the sense that if you give it one touch you will lose the battle. But you feel this freedom, you actually feel everything....and then you are faced with life as yourself, not really knowing who you are supposed to be at that very moment, because you have lost yourself in all those years.
It can either be a fun project, to rebuild yourself and your life, or this may overwhelm you and you may not want to (esp. since your feelings are still messed up)
It is hard for some to even remember some good times from their life therefore they never want to go back to what they remember. It is how you choose to look at recovery that will help you get past obstacles and want to keep pushing.
Also, my faith this time, is 10,000 times strong than any other time I was determined to quit. With God, I feel alive. With the addiction, I felt dead. Even when I would try to stay sober but did not have faith in God, everything felt useless in life and I just didn't care to go on, to "suffer," therefore, feeling very sorry for myself. I knew others felt sorry for me too, but that is only because that was the way I felt about myself.
There is much that changes in recovery, and it is supposed to show you the beauty of life. But if you dont choose to see it, you will never want to rid yourself of your addiction. Please have faith...I believe in all of you.
Love -B