Yeah. I used to drink a lot more. I averaged 12-15 units a day, and started at age 8, after being forced to drink by my grandma. Then my parents always had a 12 pack in the fridge for me from age 14. We drank a lot together. I was their drinking buddy. They both worked at bars, so they were always gone at night, and I had HS parties everyday.
FAST forward to age 40. I had some good times partying, but destroyed friendships and relationships due to my addiction. I think I'm mainly cutting back because my body is telling me to; almost as though it can't handle more than what I'm giving it.
I've put together days here, weeks there, and a couple months when I'm motivated... half a year when I first came here. Now each relapse and each plan seems to have a new AV for every new situation. It's ever morphing. I feel like it has me on a leash. I need to learn how to say NO. I've always said "yes" to everything because I was lonely and was always seeking attention. I need to learn how to think before I make these choices.
AA doesn't work for me and I get triggered by it. Once I can white knuckle through the first 3 months or so, I should be good with the plans I have in place. I'm having a rough time getting there at the moment.
Frustrating.
Day 1 (again)