What makes you pick up again? Don't do it next time.
It took me many years to relent and try those 12 steps. My life changed dramatically at the age of 50. I felt comfortable in my own skin.
Don't wait as long as I did.
You have to want to stay stopped more than you want to drink. Deep in your heart you must know that drinking again will ONLY kill you. And now it's your choice.....die a slow and painful alcoholic death or try a spiritual way of life.
I wish you recovery and joy. Thinking good things for you!
((hugs)) SB