yeah i wasnt a ****** father I dont think. But i wasnt really a an outstanding dad either lol.
I was also a bit of a head case as well and here i am at just over 6 years sober and still being a good father and taking an active interest in my kids and there interests can be challenging for me at times. But I havent just decided to check out of there lives and go have a drink or drown out my BS in booze rather then being there for them.
Just be mindful of the shame and guilt. I think its a pretty natural feeling. but that shame and guilt usualy awesome at getting you to reach for a drink.
In time tho i promise it'll ease up and your will work it all out and be much happier.
I know theres other members here who have dealt with the exact same stuff. it doesnt make anyone a bad person etc...
you are / where battling addiction and such its normal to not be perfect. and despite your circumstances i'm sure your doing the best you can despite all this stuff etc..