Thank you, I'm sorry to hear you are in a similar situation.
I think naively that time apart would make us stronger individuals, I didn't prepare for me moving on with my life positively and him further destroying himself although that sounds so stupid because I left so I didn't go down with him. He makes a point to tell me how miserable he is. I love him still from a safe distance and still feel it's incredibly cruel to love someone that with such a deep commitment to killing himself. He said he drinks so much he pretends I just went to the store. That broke my heart.