Hello ShaunMarie,
It breaks my heart to read about all that you have been through with your son. There are many parents who have never been anything but loving and calm...and they have children who still have problems including addiction--a mental disorder.
I hope that someday your son finds his path. I hope that you will come to believe you are not a heartless tyrant for protecting yourself from your son. I hope you will stick around SR. You are among people who truly do understand.