Hi Florence-
I can imagine how frustrating this whole experience might feel.
In all honesty I read your post and felt hope. Part of why I continue to turn to this board for my ongoing recovery is for stories like yours. When I was first on this board I spent a lot of time comparing myself to other's story and feeling like I had not moved enough stuff, made enough recovery etc.
The longer I am on here the more I realize that recovery happens in steps and stages or layers. What I heard in your share was that you are hitting a deeper layer of stuff (which may or may not be about your ex), and it is an opportunity to deepen and broaden your recovery.....regardless of how, and probably because of how uncomfortable it might be. This is the piece I was missing initially. This is the piece that I get now when I see people returning with new life challenges after their initial recovery phase is over. It is less about healing from living with someone with addiction and more about healing yourself.
Thanks for sharing. So sorry for the discomfort right now. Thanks for reaffirming for me that this journey is so valuable and worth it.