I'm glad you are here and posting. I spent a few years alternating between periods of sobriety, and failed attempts at moderation. I now have 20 months sober, and have found that being sober is much easier than attempting to moderate.
What finally work d for me was focusing on recovery, I had a plan (I can hear Dee's voice, or what I imagine Dee's voice to sound like in my head as I type that.) I read and posted on here daily, and still do. I joined a monthlynclass, and checked in with others on there, we supported each other through the good and the bad, and still do. I started looking into mindfulness, and really worked on staying in the present, this is something I am still working on. I began exercising on a regular basis, and read lots of books on recovery. I did not ever allow alcohol to be an option, even on the days when my stress level was high, and my world felt like it was falling apart. I forced myself to deal tight those emotions, rather than dulling them temporarily with alcohol.
It was didficult in the beginning, but it got easier as the days passed.
Look into joining the September class, and also check in on the 24 hour thread, they are both great supports.
You can do this!!!