Dream,
Welcome. I've been on SR 2 years and your drinking story is similar to many I've read and somewhat like mine.
Imo....you are addicted to booze. You will crave for life.
Analytically deciding to stop, for those that can, is where battle begins.
Medication/maintenance of the addiction is where you are.
After a week or so clean, the booze is out of our bodies and we begin to deal with life clean, but w a brain/body that is recovering, healing, and relearning, for years.
This process is a progressively lessoning stressful, uncomfortable, and horrible time. I still feel stress etc after 2 years recovering.
Hanging around w normies and actives, I had 2 of the most mini slips possible in nearly 900 days. After that time frame, for me, the booze tasted like poison. It tasted like something that was making me sick.
The only reason we ever suffer over and over the consequences of drinking is because it is highly addictive.
Staying stopped and being content is the trick. It has a lot to do w a lack of dopemin. The booze altered this. Time....years....heals this.
I look in the mirror and see an addict....for life.
Thanks.