Hi guys. I want to be honest because, well, this is the place for it. I haven't been feeling well the past few days. I'm depressed, I suppose, and have just been having a tough time. I don't feel very interested in anything, I feel unwanted, disconnected, sometimes angry. I guess maybe i'd just thought getting sober would cause a lot of positive things to happen in my life. In some ways I feel like i'm doing the same stuff minus getting high.
I think the worst part is that when I think about getting high again I just feel like there's no way that will make me happy (it won't). It's a really bad place to be in: i'm not happy sober right now, and i'm not happy with the idea of getting high, either. I don't know...i do not feel like i'm close to relapsing or anything, just...down. I've had several fleeting thoughts of drinking, too, like just destroying myself. I think it just stems from feeling fed up. It's just my AV piping up, I suppose. Attempting to date has been frustrating as well, so I probably shouldn't even be doing it. I need to focus on myself more, but how do I do that when i've lost motivation? It's like I just don't care any more.
Any words of encouragement would be welcome. That's why I posted here instead of just continuing to mope around. I'm coming up on 60 days sober and my 30th birthday, and I guess I just hoped i'd be a much different person. I know it's still early in sobriety.
This is just me reaching out.
I hope everyone else is doing well. Stay sober! This post might be a bummer, but I know sobriety is worth it.