Smarie78

Since I've been unemployed I was typically home when Abf would come over. The times I was at the gym or on my way back from somewhere he would meet me in my unit. My codependent side gave him a key (not my deadbolt) for one lock when I thought things were improving and I was too cowardice to say no. In the last several weeks of course he is up to his old tricks, most recently meeting me at my house last week while I was running behind babysitting and I got to come home to being locked out of my own unit with him blacked out and house a mess. This happened before on other occasions also.
Obviously this meant that the trust button is once again reset - not that it was ever set really. I typically have trouble sticking to boundaries for fear of upsetting him, but my new recovery plan is helping me stick to them and know that boundaries are ok and don't make me a mean or bad person (in fact they are even helping him by not enabling).

While unemployed he would always come over on Friday and I of course was already home. Now that I have a job of course I am at work. Today he asks that I leave the deadbolt unlocked bc he gets off of work an hour earlier (we both work near my place) than me. I firmly and kindly tell him to kill some time and we can meet at the train and go together. Then he says "actually i forgot we get off earlier than that so I guess I'll just have to go all the way back north and meet you later". I said - great sounds good! He was thinking I might feel guilty if he has a lot of extra time to kill when it would make sense for him to come to mine. He was trying to manipulate the old me who feels bad and says - why go through all the trouble when you can go to mine?
So ever since that exchange this morning his normally sweet loving texts have been bone dry and just like when a kid gets told no so everything they say to them they answer you, but tight lipped and minimally😂

The reason I titled this post the way I did is because just last weekend I was feeling so much guilt for setting a boundary. Today is just came automatically. No hesitation, no guilt, just clear and calm. I personally do not feel comfortable with him in my home alone when he has disrespected it far too long and after being given multiple chances. Last week I even said "please whatever you do, just please not in my home". And he did anyway.

Today I got to work very calmly and at peace knowing nothing is going on at my house. My mother is also in the hospital so I don't need to added chance of stress. Felt really good. He seems to be shocked that I stood my ground, but I feel great!