Originally Posted by
AnvilheadII 
Why does it have to drag on?
because you choose to remain in contact. you rely on FB to try and track his actions. you listen to his lies, excuses and deflections.
going NO contact shuts that all down. you give his life fully back to him, and in doing so, fully regain your own.
Thanks Anvilhead!
I understand these words, I guess to the degree I can right now. What about when the A is trying to get help and to not believe them, does this do more damage? I don't know if he is trying or just giving lip service. I suppose it doesn't really matter.
I guess I need to be strong enough to walk away and totally let go regardless of what he says, how he thinks of me or what he blames me for. I do find it hard to hear of such contorted reality where I am to blame for all his unhappiness. Where he makes things up to justify that I'm the ill one. I am absolutely sure he will find someone new very quickly and high likelihood its a friend in common. We grew up together and have all our friends in common. I will see him again just a matter of our circle of friends and things/places in common.
I'll say, this really hurts. It hurts that someone I loved finds a contorted way of thinking of me and justifies his behavior toward me because of me.
It does keep me invested to try to sort it out, trying to stop the pain. But staying prolongs the pain. I see the codependency here, that is not lost on me. It sometimes feels like I'm trading one pain for another, where I was trying to eliminate one pain by staying involved. I've been giving him all the power over me. It's just so painful.
Stop the contact? I do need to, I see it... It is just so hard.
T