Originally Posted by
Usingthe12 
But wasn't it my responsibility as her partner to try to figure what was bothering her and try to help her get help for it? I can't do anything about it now. Its up to her to help herself but at the time, I was just trying to help her figure out what caused her to react with alcohol.
No. No one can help the addict until they decide they want help. It sounds like maybe you haven't attended many al-anon meetings? Or maybe you haven't gotten to one that helps you to understand what is and is not in your control?
I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I remember well all of these feelings from when my dad was in recovery and I don't want you to have to go through the same thing. Energy spent on trying to figure someone else out or fix them is better spent looking inward to find and work on yourself. Not in regard to woulda coulda shoulda with her, but in regard to helping yourself to become the best person you can be. Just as yourself.