Originally Posted by
Obladi 
Yes, you are being selfish. AA calls that egocentric in that the world revolves around us when it doesn't. It's a very common character trait. I'm sure you know that. I certainly have it in spades.
If she was drinking when she met you, she will most certainly change and that is likely to be a very good thing. For her. You both need time for recovery before you can start to figure out how you fit now.
Writing and cleaning and crying are all fine and good. What are you doing that makes you happy? Take this time to be selfish for you and to work on your recovery, not for trying to own or control or manipulate anyone else's relationship with you.
No, she did not drink when We met. She suffered a major injury and when the pain meds stopped working I believe she supplemented the meds with alcohol looking for relief. I also know she has underlying coping issues with loss and death. Her mom, dad, our marriage. All losses that she lived with and I think added to her drinking. I begged her for years to let me help her through counseling and therapy but of course she "didn't have a problem". Tried to get her family involved to maybe motivate her But her family denied there was a problem and now say our "toxic relationship" is the reason. At least that's what they tell our 15 year old daughter. I have stepped in and blasted them for telling her that. My daughter keeps me happy but I know she is also in pain. She sees a therapist and also attends al anon meetings. Its a very emotionally difficult time right now. I wonder what my ex is thinking about all of this. I wonder if she's being open and honest about the pain she caused. Is her family helping her if they are chirping in her ear? The way I see it, they are only hurting her chances and are probably just looking for anyone to blame for them enabling her. Sorry. I'm rambling. Just venting.