Oh ...please go to your happy place...
This whole night was SOOOO not about you. You do know that. It is the hardest thing in the world not to react when their crap is being thrown at you. It is totally abusive and totally NOT OK. Yet if you (me, us, them) are not ready to follow up, then anything we say in that moment means nothing. Actually anything we say in that moment will most likely NOT be remembered.
Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start and this life we have is day to day, hour to hour, moment to moment and breath to breath.
Breath deeply and know what you already know. This rage is NOT about you of course. Your reaction is SOOO the reaction that people in a "healthy" relationship would have taken. Forgive yourself the fact that you momentarly forgot that you can not rationalize with an irrational person. Normal stuff does not cut it.
If you choose to stay with an alcoholic the rules of "normal reaction" go out the window. You (me, us, them) are living a new set of rules. Things like "Do not respond when confronted with stupid ass stuff" and "Walk away, walk away, walk away and breath" are a daily mantra.
The debate over if this is HEALTHY belongs elsewhere, the reality is that for now, for this day, for this hour, for this minute, it is YOUR (MINE, OURS, THEIR) reality. And we do the best we can do.
Peace to you and when you wake up tomorrow I pray that you can find something about the day that brings you a REAL laugh and REAL joy and a sense that you KNOW you are a good person.
Sleep well.
Jenny