Angry, need to vent before I react!
Wow, it was a different scene at my home this eve. Came home after work, hubby was out drinking. First the excuse that football was on buddy wanted to go watch it, then the drinking alone. I ignored it, went about my business, cooked, did laundry, etc. He comes back and asks where I was, hmmmmm? Ignored it, said I was at work. Got dinner ready, special day for me cuz desperate housewives is on, one of my favs. I go about my business, get dinner ready, he puts on 20/20 or one of those shows. Starts ranting and raving about it, says that they will start ripping apart Bush, okay? I'm totally not political, learned my lesson there, I have not the knowledge to argue about it so I choose not to, it causes arguments. He was in the mood for a fight, I don't want to go there. Not worth my energy. He starts turning his anger toards me, told him his anger is abusive when he turns it towards me, put me in a corner in the conversation and insisted that I admit that I lied when I said he was being abusive. I remain calm, told him he's trying to get a reaction out of me and I don't want to play that game. I actually started laughing because I could really see when I took myself out of the emotion, and stepped back from the situation that I could see that he was just being drunken and crazy. He shouts at me that everyone that knows me, knows I'm insane, this isn't the first time he's said this and it was hurtful. I really do think I'm insane, so him backing that really hurt He goes outside and sits for a while, comes back and says he's sorry that I took his anger personally... I told him then CALMLY that he doesn't take me seriously but he's about to find out how serious I am. I told him the birthday party I have planed for his 40th is going to be paid for but I won't be showing up... now if I could back that up it would be miraculous. I feel like crap and I feel like reacting but I know better. This is a hard place to be. I'll be sleeping on the uncomfortable couch but at least I can sleep there...
don't know if I'll be sleeping, he's passed out, makes me so mad that he can sleep I want to pound him over the head and hurt him like he's hurt me...grrrrr don't know what to do with this anger!!!!
Hugs,
~FaithChaser