Small uncomfortable victories
I have never followed through with time apart from Abf, but today I did. It's small, but I think a good thing. The last few weeks he has gotten drunk and belligerent with me after drinking behind my back when visiting at my home. This resulted in promises it won't happen again, complete with roses at the door and the works. Each time it happened was horrible and I swore I would never put up with it again. (See how much codeps are like alcoholics?)
It's one thing to drink on your own time...fine, your choice. But to show up to enjoy an evening together and bring your mess into my home deliberately is another. It was so bad that when I left the house to cool down he had passed out and locked the door so I couldn't even get back in my own home without having the building let me back. It was an awful night and I was already building up anger as during the day I was watching my sisters kids and a couple hours turned into the whole day and evening. Then to go home to that, not fun.
Anyhow, as the universe would have it I woke up the next day with a terrible bug. Sore throat, fever, the works. I drove to my parents house in the suburbs yesterday to visit and woke up this morning sick as a dog. Now, normally Abf and I spend the weekend at my place in the city. He comes over after work and stays. He phoned me today to remind me he gets off work at noon and can come take care of me (you mean me take care of HIM). Since I'm sick I told him I was going to just stay here for the weekend and get better. I also told him that maybe it's a good thing because it will give him time to think about what he wants to do because I can't go on like nothing happened.
It's odd because after all his shenanigans he always expects me to take him back, to assume plans are back on as usual. And why shouldn't he? They always are! And it's mostly because I am SO afraid of making him uncomfortable. Of upsetting him, disappointing him, etc. Notice I don't have that same fear of doing those things to me.
I still noticed that I absolutely hated telling him no that we are not "on" this weekend. Even if I was healthy and not sick it'd be suicide to us both if I kept plans. Maybe the universe made me sick so I had a reason to stay back. It knows I'm a bit of a codependent mess still so stepped in with some serious germs in its purse!
At any rate, I start my new job he hates next week. Maybe the tides are turning...*achoo*