Originally Posted by
leanabeana 
I'm on day 26 and dealing with severe anxiety and irritability as well as a blah feeling. I have bipolar disorder so I'm very familiar with deep depression and it's not that. It's just a feeling of restlessness, lack of motivation and emotionally raw feeling. Anything can set me off or make me cry and I'm having a hard time focusing on anything not related to recovery.
I didn't do rehab or take any time off and I think it's really hard to go through this while pretending all is normal. I'm doing weekly therapy and meetings, but I wish I had the ability to focus completely on my recovery. I know many people do this without rehab but it is really hard.
Restless, irritable and discontent. Yep. Spoken about in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous for a very good reason.
You say you're going to meetings - do you mean AA?
If so, remember the symbol for AA has three sides. There are three legs on the stool - meetings is only one of them. I needed to use all three legs of that stool to start feeling more secure and comfortable. And my step work needs to start every morning at breakfast time with my AA prayers and contemplations / reflections whetever you prefer to call them.
It took me 6 month of severe restlessness, irritability and discontentment to understand that meetings were not cutting it alone, and that maybe I was 'alcoholic enough' haha to need the whole program of rcovery. Gradually over those 6 months my RID grew and swelled into an ocean - without knowing it I became gradually lost. Drowning in my own sea of RID, until I was functioning less well at work and home that I'd been while drinking. THEN luckily one day when 'How It Works' was read out I really Heard it. Not just the words. But the MEANING. After that meeting I got a sponsor and went home determined to starton Step 1 asap. I started getting to meetings early and staying late so I could help set up and clear up so I was doing what service I could. I listened to my sponsor and cracked on with my step work. I felt a massive amount of relief pretty much straight away once I'd got these things in place.
There are ways of immersing yourself in our recovery in our homes and day-to-day lives. Even if we DID get the chance to go to rehab, when we come out we would still need to do this. After all - recovery isn't about just stopping drinking - it's about learning to live life on life's terms. Every day. The exciting time. The challenging ones. And the plain old boring monotonous ones. And we ARE all capable of learning to doing this but the willingness needs to come first. The willingness to
thoroughly follow the path. And 'thoroughly' means all the legs of the stool. Meetings. Service. And working the steps. For me it works when I work it - all of it. And when I don't work it that RID is quick to come back.
The other RID triggers are those common old HALT ones. Like most folk, I find I need to take good care that these don't sneak in. Even now, almost 3.5 years sober. They may not mean that I'm going to take a drink, and one of them alone isnt tooooooo bad, but if 2 or more of them come into play, OHHH BOY - it really does let that RID back in and affects the quality of my sobriety very negatively.
Anyway. Hope you're not feeling so bad right now.
Take care. I wish you all the best for your sobriety and your recovery.
BB