Originally Posted by notgonnastoptry

This is a followup on a thread I wrote in the beginning of May. I was bemoaning the fact that sobriety had made me fat (I was near death while drinking) and unorganized at my job, to the point of stupidity (well, stupid mistakes, lame performance).

sigh. Well, I lost most of that weight by dieting and exercising. But, now I am reminded of my other problem: I used think much faster while drinking--I also used to be charismatic, quick-witted, and, I guess, an engaging speaker. I'm reminded of this because I'm in the (necessary) position to perform the same set of duties while sober. I felt even more threatened when someone said, "Yeah, someone recommended I come to you--it was the best [fill in the blank, you can probably guess] he's ever had here." Yeah. I can't match that now WHILE I'M SOBER. As I lecture or prepare, I just don't feel the motivation or whatever. As I look back at my old materials, I wonder how the hell I did any of that. It's nearly miraculous that I had the energy to pull all of that off and then some when I can barely get things done now. That was weeks before I was rushed to ER and put in ICU.

I can't match my drunk standard and I'm so highly annoyed. It shouldn't be like this. Before anyone tells me it was all in my head or my judgment was clouded by drinking, I'll just say that I was empirically evaluated.

Why am I duller and not interesting as a sober person? I see this here all the time and it's always answered by, "No, you actually weren't. You just think you were. It's all in your head. You are a better person while sober."

I'm glad that's the case for many. It's just not for me. doesn't mean I'm going to drink. I'm just frustrated. I'm not better at what I do while sober, but I'll continue to do it sober. It just sucks because this isn't the way the universe is supposed to mete out rewards/punishments.