Originally Posted by
Smile1478 
Thanks for replying! Drinking amount that I can see has reduced and good changes around our kids so good news there. I have accepted the 3 Cs but sometimes need reminding. I have actually have been finally brave enough to say calmly, without being upset, I'm sorry you're not happy, I love you but you need to figure it out. I'll help if you want it but what you see is controlling is kind of like regular communication and openness in marriage. Or should be anyway. Hard to really know what he wants because I'm not really sure he's figured it out. I am trying to go on the actions that I see and not be naive about the rest.
Welcome Smile. Change and transformation take time on both sides. Its good that BOTH of you are getting help. I try to look at actions, but also over time there has been an ease in communication and openness within our marriage. Working on my own emotions and my interactions has been really important for me. It looks like you and your kids are in counseling, and your also trying Alanon. Those are great steps and I also did both for a while.
If your husbands use increased the past couple years, and he had now decreased due to consequences (was it a DUI) that is progress. Being in addiction counseling is a valid recovery approach all on its own. Ive found counseling for myself did take time with steps forward and back as the mind works in mysterious ways, and its also hard to learn and implement new concepts.
Great you are here Thanks for sharing.