Hi Hornman,
I'm only 7 days sober so can't be much help but reading all the recovery stories on this forum has been really inspiring for me. I understand where you are with the shame and guilt. We are not bad people but alcohol leads us to a dark place. I thought I was in control of it most of the time with only the occasional disaterous night but in reality it has controlled me for a long, long time. I wish you the best of luck and stay on this site. There is so much experience and empathy here it really helps.