Hi everyone! Day 39. Lynn made a post in her thread about how she felt when she first quit 2 months ago, which inspired me to do something similar. A reflection of sorts, anyway.
I am 100% more focused and productive, probably more. It's incredible what i'm capable of without the fog enveloping my brain 24/7. My job, especially. I've always had a strong work ethic, but in addiction my #1 priority was getting (more) high, always. I would half ass work and leave it unfinished. Not any more! My boss has actually had me running projects myself, which I am very proud of myself for. It's so great that I can be accountable all the time.
I'm noticing my posts and journal entries are a lot more articulate and clear headed. Words come to me much easier than before, and I seem to be able to translate my thoughts and feelings onto paper (screen) with an ease I forgot I was capable of. I was always a great writer in school, but when I was high all the time i'd always second/third guess whatever I was writing, constantly be deleting and rewriting, being unable to follow my own train of thought, etc.
I can TALK to people!! This ties into being more articulate in general, but also i'm not thinking about how much of an addict I am 24/7 or when I can get high next, so there's nothing to distract me from focusing on people around me and engaging in actual meaningful conversation.
I've reconnected with some old friends who I left behind during my spiral into addiction. It's refreshing to say the least.
I find myself able to apologize FAR easier than I used to, to notice when i'm wrong, and just keep track of my feelings in general. When smoking my emotions seemed to be just a big blur, a sort of mess of different colors all thrown together that ended up as depression.
I'm able to just sit around and relax, or lie in the sun and take a nap. I was always anxious when smoking and in early sobriety. My mind would always wander back to getting high, because that seemed like the only thing to do. Now, I have ongoing projects, i'm teaching myself things solely because i'm interested in them, and i'm trying new activities. It's like a door into life opened up by putting down the bong.
I'm finally finding out who I am as a person. I've been chemically altered for so long I just really never got a chance to find out.
I have a lot more money. I never fully realized just how much addiction costs financially. I'm talking more than just the price of the weed itself, which was around $4-500 a month for me. The cost of junk food, leaving work early to get high, gas to drive to the dealers, cost of buying stuff simply because I was depressed, cost of eating out because I was always too lazy to cook for myself. The list goes on. Needless to say my bank account is very happy.