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Old 09-25-2005, 01:47 AM   #2 (permalink)
fuster
Late stage optimist
 
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Auburn, WA
Posts: 304
Quote:
Originally Posted by rinaezz
Hi,

Can anyone help me understand, or know when to believe him, or even know if he has thoughts of going back to drugs?
PLEASE HELP ME, I have never been that desperate in my whole life. I love him and I want him to get better so we can continue with our marriage and life.
The short answer is: Nope, you cannot know when to believe him or know if he has thoughts of...going back to drugs (or anything else, really).

The best advice for you now is to get into a NarAnon or Al Anon meeting (there are forums on this site you can look at too), get connected with people there. The family has to learn to let go. Your words clearly show you are like every other family of an addict/alcoholic in that you want to help, but you also cannot let go of the control you want over the situation. It is a concept that is not that easy to grasp. You let go, and you get better. Yes, sorry to say it but you are sick too, just a different problem. Let go, take care of your own needs, make decisions based on what you need to be heathy. That might mean making some difficult choices, like if there is evidence of using, he has to move out. Sounds harsh, but it is setting a healthy boundary. If you don't, there will not be any.

If your husband decides to use, you are powerless to change that. You need to accept that fact. You can do everything you imagine you need to do, he will relapse if he wants to do it. You are powerless to "make" him not use. :hugehug It is up to him to tow the line on his recovery. If he doesn't, you need to have your own plan, but get some education on codependence first.
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