Originally Posted by
hopeful4 
Hello and welcome.
I think addicts act out and are more critical as we become more healthy and change our own reactions. Always looking for a way to put the focus on the other person instead of accepting they have a problem. Most of us here have went through that crazy time of trying to control the situation and the other person, until we realize, you can't!!!! The Three C's are:
You cannot CONTROL it, you cannot CURE it, and most importantly, you DID NOT CAUSE IT!!!!
If he is still drinking heavily, that does not sound stable for you or your kids. To answer your question yes, there can be change. However, they have to work recovery and want that every single day, for the rest of their lives. It's a big commitment that not many are willing to make.
Keep posting, you are not alone.
Thanks for replying! Drinking amount that I can see has reduced and good changes around our kids so good news there. I have accepted the 3 Cs but sometimes need reminding. I have actually have been finally brave enough to say calmly, without being upset, I'm sorry you're not happy, I love you but you need to figure it out. I'll help if you want it but what you see is controlling is kind of like regular communication and openness in marriage. Or should be anyway. Hard to really know what he wants because I'm not really sure he's figured it out. I am trying to go on the actions that I see and not be naive about the rest.