Apple, I just now saw this thread. I'm sorry not till now. I am so sorry you are struggling, but wow it sounds like you are handling it SO well. You recognize the lie of alcohol. It's hard now, but if you get through it, each time will be easier.
On a recent vacation I had similar thoughts, but I kept reminding myself of how awful I would feel (physically and emotionally) if I wasted my time and energy and soul on our vacation dulling and poisoning myself with alcohol. I was able to experience every day fully, be present for my family, and actually FEEL GOOD every single morning, with no regrets.
Focus on the good.. there's so much of it! Getting through these "firsts" will make you stronger. Drinking with your dad is a routine that can be broken. You were able to do it when you were pregnant for the sake of your baby. You can do it now for the sake of YOU, your health, your strength, and the better more meaningul life you want and are creating. You are worth it! The wish for alcohol is a lie.
New routines can be made. Substitute a beautiful, or even fancy, non alcoholic drink and realize how much more engaged and real and present you are able to be with your dad.
Hang in there.. keep posting.. We understand and are here for you. You're doing great!!
90 days is within reach, and beyond. It'll just get better.
Hugs to you.