Originally Posted by
AnvilheadII 
She will need 24/7 care when she gets out.
may i ask why you think that? is she physically disabled? bed ridden? or otherwise incapable of taking care of herself?
When I hear that I feel like I had something to do with her disease. Like I caused it. Like she's getting a get out of marriage free card. What about my happiness? What about the abuse me and our daughter went through? She can just work on her sobriety and of she chooses she can turn her back on those she destroyed and that's ok? I begged her for years to go into rehab. I tried taking her to aa meetings just to listen. Now that she is forced to go because her family is making her go that makes her the hero? I'm sorry I don't agree with that. You can't just throw bombs constantly and not expect shrapnel. And here I am opening my heart again to her to help her succeed and I need to feel guilty about that? Maybe I'm rambling. Sorry. It just upsets me that my heart can be torn apart and there Is a chance that my love could hurt her worse.
she's been in rehab FOUR days.....i don't think anyone is planning a ticker tape parade in her honor just yet. you are simply OOZING with resentment - and that resentment seems to even bleed over into the fact that she IS in rehab now, but that she didn't do it when YOU wanted her to. and now that she is in treatment you want to get right into the middle of it.
she isn't going to come out and be the girl you want. rehab isn't a magic trick. she will at best have about 28 days of sober time and some tools to use going forward. she will NOT have the time or energy for much else. especially not to BE what you want her to be. she may not even want that. it will take TIME, months and months, for things to truly settle down and sort out for her. her perspective on life has been warped for a long time. if you attempt to insert yourself into her recovery, it is quite likely things will derail......she needs to take the wheel here, drive the bus.
not everyone is successful at sobriety straight out of treatment. there can be a lot of wobbles. more will be revealed.
People that are fresh out of rehab do not need to be constantly monitored and looked after in the beginning? They should be left alone and risk repeating behaviors and exposing themselves to triggers that could cause relapse? I always thought differently. I do have resentment. She destroyed a family. I'm working on that in therapy. Isn't it incumbent on her to recognize those she wronged and make amends? How successful would anyone be in sobriety if they don't do that?