Originally Posted by
Matt5150 
When I hear that I feel like I had something to do with her disease. Like I caused it. Like she's getting a get out of marriage free card. What about my happiness? What about the abuse me and our daughter went through? She can just work on her sobriety and of she chooses she can turn her back on those she destroyed and that's ok? I begged her for years to go into rehab. I tried taking her to aa meetings just to listen. Now that she is forced to go because her family is making her go that makes her the hero? I'm sorry I don't agree with that. You can't just throw bombs constantly and not expect shrapnel. And here I am opening my heart again to her to help her succeed and I need to feel guilty about that? Maybe I'm rambling. Sorry. It just upsets me that my heart can be torn apart and there Is a chance that my love could hurt her worse.
I hear a lot of keeping score here. There are no heroes and no winners when it comes to addiction. The best anyone can ever do is commit to recovery and to try to be the best person they can be.
I know you are hurting. But if you are opening your heart to her again after all the "shrapnel" and abuse you have endured, then that is a choice you make, to put yourself back in the potential line of fire. I have learned that expecting the person who hurts us to be the one that heals us is just propagating an unhealthy cycle. The only person who can heal you is you, and the only one who can heal her is her.