Yeah, Matt your posts are sounding like you want to be able to start over and have everything back the way it was before all this happened. That will never be. Reality is that she became (or already was) addicted. That has nothing to do with you and everything to do with how she views the world.
As an alcoholic myself (recovered) I can say that the main thing she needs to do is grow up and face life as it is. Coddling her and unconditional love is not the answer. Romantic love is conditional, and that's a good thing.