Originally Posted by
NYCDoglvr 
An active alcoholic is incapable of love.....you are projecting feelings that don't exist. I see so many posts of people shocked when they leave an alcoholic, who quickly finds someone else. Alcoholics look for enablers and quickly replace one for another.
I hear this often on the forum, and I was wondering where this premise comes from? I dont think its possible for one to know what all other people are capable of even if in active addiction. There are also varying degrees, categories of substance abuse disorder. But I hear it often and maybe its from the AA program/step work?
As I commented above, I browse the Newcomers and Alcoholics, Substance Abuse forums often. I see A LOT of posts where people talk about their families, children, significant others. They claim to love them, and are often motivated by this. I didnt start the relationship with my husband when he was in active addiction. I dont think he stopped loving me when he was active. I think he was incapable of expressing it, of doing the things it takes to nurture a loving relationship because he was up/down/all consumed between bouncing in between, and figuring out how he was going to manage to continue fooling everyone (including himself) that he was really ok. And then at some point I think he also knew he needed to change but couldnt find a way to do it, and that was all consuming. It sounds so very exhausting !