An overwhelming compulsion...
Not something I've experienced myself, although I do remember one Saturday morning on an, son I thought, innocent trip to the library being overtaken by an overwhelming compulsion. Way beyond my self will, to drink and immediately went and bought four cans of super strength lager, went home and chug a lugged them straight down..
Which blew the remainder of the day out of the water, leaving my original good intentions in tatters...
There are no room for god intentions in recovery from alcoholism, like there are no half measures, in drinking alcohol 'takes no prisoners' you cannot, from mine and others experience, negotiate and, like learning spirituality, only you can do it No one else can, albeit as on SR, they can share their experience, strength and hope...