Hi Rainy, glad you're feeling a bit brighter. I've been dealing with what I call my 'wreckage field' created by drinking. It's certainly been daunting at times and I dearly wish I could've turned the clock back, but short of a time machine....
What I try to focus on, is that my future self will never have to wish to turn the clock back to now, because I'm busy dealing with issues and improving my life as best I can. So I focus on what can I do today and the immediate future, to improve the life of my future self in the long term. Top of that list is don't drink, or I'll be stopping the abstinence clock now, and my future self will suffer and wish she could turn the clock back to now.