Originally Posted by
Seren 
So going with the mental illness/mental disorder idea, it seems to me that it is treated differently than other mental disorders. Perhaps the sheer number of people who suffer from it makes it so much different in the way that it is perceived. Take something like OCD, for example. Is there a 12-step program for that? It seems to me that OCD is treated using some combination of CBT and anti-depressants. So is there another mental disorder that could be compared directly to addiction (other than the codependent behaviors--which I have always understood to be learned behaviors rather than having a biological component)?
Substance Abuse Disorder (addiction, alcoholism) however you label it IS treated in the same way that most other compulsive disorders are - recommended treatments use combinations of therapy, CBT, medications, etc.
12 step programs are available for a lot of things if a person wants to use that approach: Alcohol, Compulsive Spending, Codependency, Kleptomania, Shoplifting, Self Mutilating, Overeating, Drugs, Sex, Love, Clutters Anonymous
And all this, I suppose, brings me back to the question of the choices faced by those of us with addicted loved ones. I know that my stepson certainly laid the guilt on quite thickly when he did not get what he wanted and was finally asked to move out. I firmly believe that by making my stepson fend for himself, he may eventually have a chance at recovery. Still, I would not make the same choices if, for example, my sister was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder or ptsd--she hasn't, this is just a small thought experiment. I would likely do all I could to assist her in getting the help she needed.
I use my sister as an example because she is an alcoholic/addict in recovery. During her run and gun days, we (the rest of the family), did not spend much time around her. The primary reason being how her behavior affected the rest of us with drama and chaos. I suppose I simply would not expect quite the same sort of drama and chaos to enter my life if my sister were diagnosed with another disorder.
So my choice, as a family member, boils down to how much chaos and drama, anxiety and illness I will allow to enter my own life due to someone else's mental disorder.
That is a difficult line to find for many, and based on an idea that addiction is a complex mental disorder, it makes it that much harder to the loved ones of an addicted person to make the changes needed to protect themselves due to the guilt that they feel.
Well, anyway, just my ramblings for the evening. Thank you all so much for your opinions and experiences. It has given me a lot to think about!
Very good points you brought up here Seren, and basically I think the actions taken by family depend on 1. their own beliefs 2. the amount of dysfunction that enters into the relationship/family as a result of the substance abuse.
Helping is also a really hot topic on this forum. Some say family can do nothing to help, but others say family holds great influence and can help encourage treatment and behavior modification. Some say a person has to hit bottom and choose help on their own, and others say no change is a process and can be nurtured especially by a Dr/Psychologist. And as you said yourself.. if your sister suffered from mental illness you would do all you could... even if she was mentally ill and didnt realize she needed medical care? so why would anyone criticize a family member who views addiction as a mental health issue and not a simple choice? Truthfully on an open peer support forum - all views should be respected because one can dig up evidence to support either approach. And we are here to support the family member, not the approach they use I hope.
I kept encouraging my husband to get treatment, and I was concerned about the quality of care. Just like I would have been if it was any other illness. I have no regrets over that. I was never pushed aside by his doctors but instead was kept informed, continuously educated, and offered my own support resources. I really appreciated that.
There was also a time in there before my husband got treatment where he was completely unstable and dangerous for me to be around. I had to step back and actually move out for a while. It was for my own health and sanity. That was a sad, hard choice to make.
To make matters more complex, as Celtic Zebra noted - behind substance abuse there are often other medical and psychological issues, as well as past trauma, abuse, personal loss and pain, underdeveloped coping skills, etc. that need to be dealt with.
Recently I saw a post on this forum which questioned the level of anger on this family forum. And I often think, while we are here to support the family member.. we know very little about the person in their life who brought them here or what struggles they themselves are dealing with. Often there is so much time spent diagnosing, critiquing, blaming, etc the person with the substance abuse disorder. Anger it appears is often used as a technique to motivate the family member to make choices and changes. Not sure this is healthy.
Where is the compassion for someone who has formed an addiction while dealing with PTSD, or past sexual abuse? When Ive visited Mental Health forums there is usually compassion for both of us which I also appreciate. This is someone I love, someone Im having a child with.
Choices are difficult when our life is affected by someone else behavior regardless of whats behind it. I have tried to understand what my husband is going through, to have compassion - but to also look at what I need and want for my life and future. Its not easy. My heart goes out to everyone here who is in this same situation.