Jonnie360 I read your post and it really moved me. I identified with it so much. All those raw painful feelings. You acknowledge the truth in the powerlessness to change the outcome for your relationship but yet cannot move past the pain. We have all been there. It is truely the worst pain.
You are in the right place here to begin your journey to healing and inner peace. Surrendering is the right term. I too felt how you felt about my partner. I needed him like a drug. 5 years of hell and momentary heaven (when he was clean for short spells) I would have done anything and believed he was the love of my life. Now I look at him and find it hard not to be consumed by hatred. Now I'm having his baby in 3 weeks.
I'm GLAD I feel hatred, glad I got so low and sick that the only was up. Glad that I finally surrendered to a life of denial and fantasy that one more time and he would be clean was total LIES. Glad I woke up from this hell and chose to love myself MORE than him. Did I ever love him? Who cares because he loves drugs.
You will get there too. One day soon if you choose you will look at your addict and see the selfish sick person they are and all the hurt they caused you and nothing else and you will want to run from it as far as you can.
Keep looking deep down in you for the answers you will find them