Can you help them without changing them?
Hey everyone - I'm very new to the forum, and also the topic... today is my first day looking online about this.
I'm worried about my wife.
I have found hidden bottles of vodka a few times around the house, and I also notice that she has been drinking most nights (she has a certain kind of accent when she's had a few drinks).
She runs a business, and there have been times where she will be going to an important meeting, and she will be either tipsy or flat-out drunk.
When I bring up any topic around her drinking (eg. "are you ok to do <whatever situtation is>"), she gets very angry.
We're very different - she loves to drink, and enjoys wines pretty much every day, and when on holiday will go from bloody mary's in the morning through to partying in the evening. I very rarely drink, but enjoy partying every now and then.
I try not to be judgmental of her drinking, although sometimes I fail at that.
The biggest concerns for me are:
1. Her health. She recently was in hospital for pancreatitis which the doctor suggested was either due to alcohol or to gallstones (she thinks gallstones, I think alcohol)
2. Her mental health. When she drinks she becomes very stressed out, and angry. Then drinks more to try and de-stress, which only makes her more stressed out.
3. Our relationship & our child. Even when she has had just 1 or 2 drinks, she basically becomes a different person. A very mean-spirited, impatient, controlling person, which puts a lot of strain on our relationship, and I am concerned that it may harm her relationship with our child (I am not worried about other dangers to our child - that's not her).
I know I can't change her. But I do want to help her.
Anytime I try to help, it dissolves into fights and arguments and I feel myself starting to resent it. And that's not what I want.
I love my wife. I just want her to be happy.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for from posting this.