i dont know how to do that interquote thing but have some thoughts on stuff ya type:
"I need help. No where in my small town to get it right now."
like most of us, ya prolly needed help a long time ago.
you have to WANT help.
then look in adjoining small towns.
"Why cant I be like everyone else and accept she is an addict, and that I only have my own life to control."
breaking news here:
not everyone else accepts powerlessness and gets help. read around. theres more than one thread from people who felt they had the power even after reading here.not everyone surrenders.
you might not be able to accept because you havent surrendered to the fact you cant control or cure her.
it may be becuase you havent changed anything IN YOU. could be because youre still acting and thinking the exact same way- what would be called with alcoholics a dry drunk, idk what it would be called with codies/enablers.
"How do I start to heal and move forward when I am gripped with so much fear."
first you have to surrender.then you have to WANT to heal.
then you have to stop letting fear control you. get some courage to change YOU.
"Why do I know these things yet still hope and pray and try to change the outcome??"
because you havent surrendered?
"How do I let go. I know I need to, but I love her like no other."
first you have to surrender. then you have to WANT.
then you have to love yourself like no other. show that by getting into action.
"To let go and do what I need to save myself once and for all."
surrender.
"To give up on the dream of what our lives should be. "
surrender.
"To allow her to jpurney through her addiction as she sees fit. "
surrender
"To begin to grapple my problems. "
surrender
lastly:
"
Why do I know these things yet still hope and pray and try to change the outcome??"
because you havent surrendered.
your praying- great!!! however youre not looking at the right outcome that can change- YOUR outcome. it could youre also praying for the wrong things and Gods just been sittin there waiting for you to pray for the right thing- help for YOURSELF.
i can sit in the garage all day, that aint gonna make me a car.
so, surrender. that WANT help and WANT to heal.
then become WILLING to do whatever is necessary to heal.
i think it would also be wise to stop playing God and thinking you know whats best for her when ya dont even know whats best for yourself