For the first time in my life I fully walk alone
i think this ^^^ is what lies beneath. she provided a distraction of epic proportions. the addiction, the fight, now you see her, now you don't. and all the while HER problems took center stage.
now it's just.......you. and your own stuff. and no one is there to distract you. and as romantic and heroic as it sounds, it's not your "love" for her that is causing you this pain, it's your inner self wanting to be loved and recognized. by YOU.