Anvilhead- When I look back you did not express anything negative. it was just very real. I admit I wasn't ready for that at the time.
Now after waiting a few days I see that you were in fact right. I didn't realize you were posting from the viewpoint of an addict. In fact, I even posted on the Substance Abusers forum hoping for just that- viewpoint from an addict.
I pretty much know what the general responses will be here and they are spot on. Yours was just very direct and actually just what I needed.
I spent time reacting to it because I wasn't ready to believe it. I am still so caught up believing it was different this time and in denial.
You , and everyone else , weren't negative. Now that the writing is on the wall I see you were right.
I thought by listening to the outpatient person's perspective when I called him, I was on the right track, even though my gut instinct was to say no. I'm surprised I caved. But addicts are very convincing.
My AS may want recovery, somewhat, but I suspect what Hardlessons said about my son doing just enough to stay here is true. I figured the fact that he's been in rehabs this year and went on suboxone said something about what he wants. However, he's got to want it badly enough to do whatever is necessary to get it.
The frustrations in rehabs and requirements and experiences I've had in hospitals with him and more are very real. When I was ready to leave him in their hands they just wouldn't help, wouldn't let him in or were too easy on him.
However, there are addicts that get the help they need, many despite the obstacles. He turned down rehab at the detox this time. Something neither he, nor they told me before I came to pick him up. Had I known, I may not have picked him up. That's where my frustration is. When I'm ready to let go and let them do their job there's always a problem. I guess it's up to him to work with them and do what is necessary. Maybe he doesnt' because he has learned I've always been there.
Thank you Anvilhead and all of you who have responded here for your ESH and insights. Thank you for not taking my reaction too personally. I really do get what you have all said, but wasn't ready to hear it, because I was too caught up in my fantasy that it would all be all right.
Now....I will call the rehab just to let them know....rather than lose the opportunity of his still going. May have to wait until tomorrow so he can see his sub doctor and to give him a day to stop. Back to the double edged sword...if they know he's slipped will they insist on his being clean again?
I really messed up this time. Should have sent him there when I first knew. I hope he can get in as soon as possible.