Anvilhead- Not sure what you mean by ramping up my involvement- you mean letting him come home and do outpatient?
I get some of what you are saying.. probably was manipulative on his part to get out of inpatient last minute. He may not have even expected me to say yes! if I had not called the person who ran outpatient he is planning to go to, I would have stuck with the original plan. Just didn't feel like forcing the issue was the way to go either.
He is willing to go into inpatient in lieu of this week's slip. People here always assume the addict is going to go in kicking his heels, tantruming.
He does have a better attitude about things and is trying to quit and has had more sober and clean days this year than not. He also tried Suboxone for about 5 months with a couple of short episodes off in between treatment.
Also, everyone here thinks heroin addicts can just stop and walk in somewhere for treatment. Plans were laid and he interviewed for treatment in the 2nd week after he was discharged, but heroin addicts can't just walk in. They have to be detoxed, and some placed insist on a medical detox, which he had to wait to get into.
Then there's the complication about suboxone. Most rehab/treatment centers won't let people take Suboxone while in treatment, so then there's the issue of detoxing off of that before entering treatment, as the previous place had required and making it more difficult for the heroin addict to focus on treatment. When my AS was starting to slip the first time after being discharged for taking xanax at the rehab, there was the other double bind of the fact he couldn't be too clean, or else his insurance wouldn't cover it. In other words, he had to test dirty to get in!
Yes, the bottom line is the addict has to want it, but it has been my experience as he (and I) have knocked on numerous doors for treatment that there are conditions to comply with and one must be clean before entering. (If it was that easy for someone to get clean before entering treatment, it kind of makes you wonder why they'd need treatment then.
So...yes, he has to be the one to get sick and tired and be willing to do whatever is necessary to stop. that is why I gave him the choice of outpatient vs inpatient up to him ultimately, so I wouldn't be controlling the process.
Bottom line is he is willing to stop. Idk how anyone can assign a time limit to addiction, codependency or the fact that it may take multiple attempts to finally get it. I work in a rehab and I see people leave and come back all the time. Relapse is often a normal part of addiction. Even people with years of sobriety slip.
My AS has been consistently willing to stop, go into treatment and rehab throughout this 9 months. He does still need help. He's been doing this for the last 13 or so years.
I am well aware that I consciously choose to let him into my life. It is my perogative to stay close, encourage him,, yet not tolerate and help him get the help he needs, which he is willing to do.
Negative judgement of either one of us does not help either one of us.