I just wanted to thank everyone for taking the time to respond. I cried reading a few of these. Its nice to have just straight opinions of people who actually understand the disease. I have a great support system of family and friends, but no one who truly gets it gets it from the inside.
Many of you have mentioned cheating and I don't think he has/would ever do that. It's not characteristic of his past relapse behaviors, he cares about vodka hah not so much other women - but i guess in time all things progress so who really knows what the future could hold.
We're also going to therapy now (and our therapist is in recovery for alcohol so that helps) but he is questioning me when I state that eddie is not himself. When i mention that he's "off AH" who doesn't really care about my opinion and our conversations have changed to superficial bc he's hyper focused on other things. (mind you, these are all past behaviors i've lived through around relapses) But the therapist is questioning that - what if this is the new AH? What if he stays sober like this forever and this is my new reality? Just keeping his mind busy on work and gym and perhaps after some therapy he refocuses me back into the circle...
I just can't wrap my head around someone dropping out of AA 9 months in, not completing the steps and being "okay forever" to stay sober. He says he only went to AA for me the past few months, stating he used to enjoy it and get something out of it but lately it was just a "check box" to make me happy.
I'm scared i've wasted 5 years. Literally stuck by him when everyone else turned their back to be emotionally abused enough until he went to rehab - and for nothing in the end