Hi vaya
You can only do what you feel is the best thing at any given time. Sometimes I think that people believe that cutting yourself off from the chaos of active addiction means completely shutting someone out of your life. That that is what many of us are suggesting. But I don't think completely shutting someone out is necessary each and every time.
My stepson, as I have mentioned, is still active in his disease. What his father (my late husband) and I learned to do was simply not be a part of his day-to-day drama of losing a place to live, not having any money, wrecking his car, watching him be strung out and speeding around the house. Once my husband stopped trying to solve all his problems for him, stopped giving him money, and told him he had to find someplace else to live, "Jr." stopped trying to bring that chaos into our world. Because he knew he wasn't going to get from us what he wanted-- which was money and a soft place to land in between 'runs'.
We still talked over the phone when it was possible. My husband was frequently on the receiving end of some pretty drunk phone calls, but he felt that he was at least keeping that line of communication open with his son. He was willing to do that. Now that my husband is gone, I try to at least text my stepson every now and then to let him know I care and that I am thinking about him. (He and his sister speak about once a month).
My stepson has been through several hospitalizations, group meetings, counseling sessions, sober-living houses. He knows where the help is if and when he decides he really wants to be done. So, we let him be responsible for his own choices because we have already laid the groundwork by showing him that he has options. He has the power to choose a different life. I hope and pray that someday he will make that choice for himself.
Vaya, you are free to make whatever choice you wish as far as your involvement in your son's life is concerned. It is sad to see how much fear and anxiety you are living with, and you are the only one who can make these choices for yourself. Please do not hesitate to come here and vent and ask questions anytime you need to as you work through all of this. I hope and pray that your son will choose a better life for himself very soon!