Hi Vaya
I'm sorry to hear the chaos and drama of active addiction are still part of your life--that your son is still just not done yet.
Please vent here any time. I wish I had words of wisdom, but I don't believe that I can add anything to what has already been said.
Your first thread here was roughly 7 years ago. We all do the best we can when it comes to our addicted loved ones. It sounds as though you are still too afraid to let him go, to suffer the consequences of his own actions, to learn to live his life on life's terms. It get it. My stepson is drinking and using Heroin last we heard. It is frightening. But I just can't and won't throw myself onto the altar of *his* addiction. And so I pray.
I will keep you and your son in my prayers as well. Please take very good care of yourself, Vaya.