vaya

My heroin addicted son (just turned 30 today) has been in an out of rehab this year, with mixed success and difficulties. He has gone back each time to try again, largely at my behest and to satisfy courts, but id want to get sober more this time than before.

After 7 days in detox, was slated to go into inpatient again for 3 months. At last minute asked to wait longer or do something else. After talking to a sober counselor, it seemed reasonable to give him a chance at outpatient and get on with looking for work, etc. he was on Suboxone and agreed to resume taking it if in outpatient.

Well, slowly the agreement began to get looser and looser as he asked for just a few more days to rest after detox, etc. He did continue to see his Suboxone doctor, but still not taking subs. Was in touch somewhat by phone with outpatient counselor. Didn't go to meetings, always some excuse. Then his GR money came, and he had agreed to let me hold half, but then renigged.

I've been trying to allow him more space to make decisions, without my 'nagging', while at the same time reminding him to check in, at least go to a meeting, and next week he would start going to outpatient and meetings daily, and consider going back on subs.

He knows he can't stay here and use. I truly am done with it and don't want to live with the anguish, doubt, etc.

Today is his 30th birthday. I had a feeling he did something yesterday. ( Sudden vomiting for no reason is usually a tell-tale sign with heroin addicts.) Today, when I came home from work it was confirmed. I wasn't as 'hard' at first, trying to make it a pleasant birthday, but hall he cared about was nodding out for 2 hours.

Suggested he stop and nip this in the bud now. Or if outpatient is too hard, he will need to go to inpatient next week.

Question/issue: wrestling with giving him chance to get back on track after 2 days of dabbling and using and start back on subs right away and go to meetings this weekend, & start outpatient next week
vs
tell him it looks like inpatient is better for him at this point and he can use weekend to clean up enough to get into inpatient, before it gets out of control again.

The most time he's been able to be clean this year in various stints of rehab is 2-3 months.
Thought he was committed to trying, but not sure outpatient provides enough structure and I don't want him laying up in my apt while Im at work using and playing games.

Also, not sure I feel like getting him the phone for his birthday. Besides, I've told him they close soon, but he seems oblivious. Maybe I should wait until tomorrow if he straightens up. He'll say I ruined birthday, but he did by his choices today.

Thoughts. & please do not yell at me or put me down.

Glad some of you have this licked. it is a process for some of us and I do give him credit for taking subs and going to rehab this year and trying. (Sometimes he wasn't discharged for drugs.)