Hi TLS
I have been thinking more & more about something Dandylion posted on page two of your thread:
If a stranger hurts us twice...we get angry and we want to be as far away from them as we can get....
If a loved one hurts us that way...we seem to want to find a way to draw them closer to us.....
For me I have been thinking a lot about when I was still with her. The question becomes can (she) this person who causes all the pain, suffering, confusion, & constant turmoil inside of me - also be the one to help me heal all of that? Can I heal being with her. I have to heal.
If that were possible I would love to be very close with her right now for that to happen. But in reality its not possible because she doesn't even understand is unable to understand how her life choices negatively impact me. Whenever I shared with her how her actions hurt me - her all telling response (meaning it said everything) was I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you. Those words were said to me countless times. Even though I love her, I cant be close with her. I cant interact with her at all. I cant do that because the pain & confusion will get worse. I cant handle one more drop (just a drop) of pain from her. Even though it hurts me to no end, I cant be close with her.
Hope you are doing well.
Thanks