Corse..
Love as a parent is unconditional and that makes them hurt more.
What's done is done. Question for you. Would you change it now if you could? Might seem a silly question but when I went let myself go back to my old ways i realise now i hated the way I felt but didn't really regret it, until last time. So whilst i felt like sh1t3 with myself I hadn't go to where I needed to be. Losing something precious woke me up and knowing now the whole extent of what i could have lost....
You have proved you can get through the worst....which you now get the pleasure if again. See that as a good thing. You won't want to do it too many more times!
Dark places feel lonely and insurmountable. You have people who care...you're luckier than alot!
Stay strong.