It's so hard to read this because it's so clear to everyone that you know you need to get sober and that your life is completely unmanageable. But the fear of detox and the consequences of taking time to get well are holding you back.
Just as a thought exercise, what happens to your wife if your drinking causes you to become incapacitated? Is there a backup plan for you not being able to work? Because even if you don't take time to get sober, it's a real possibility that you won't be ABLE to work soon. This is not manageable. You are spinning yourself out of control.
I also didn't like AA. However, I have always told myself that if I can't stay sober on my own, I have to go anyway. No matter how corny and against my own beliefs it is. Many people have been successful in AA simply by doing what they were told. Just because you are stubborn doesn't mean you can't surrender to get well. Your way is failing and you won't be able to keep it up much longer.