Snarky,
Hi it's good to meet you. I'm glad you've come back. I'm fairly new here posting, but I too have been around here "trying" to quit for years. This time finally feels different. I've been alcohol free since the end of May, and life is so much better.
It sounds to me like you are ready to make a change.
Drinking because others' lectures or tough-love style is making you mad and resentful is only, to use an old expression, "cutting off your nose to spite your face." You are only hurting yourself.
This is your only life and your only body. Is this what you want to continue to do with it?
You deserve better. You deserve more. You have more to give.
If it's really true that drinking is the "only thing that brings you joy", are you satisfied with that as a statement about your life? Would you really want to come to the end of your life and have friends and loved ones saying, "the only thing that brought her joy was drinking"?
You can choose to rebuild and create a life with more meaning and substance. REAL joy. REAL meaning. Not oblivion in alcohol.
You may know this already, but anyone taking the time to "lecture" you or try to help has really nothing to gain or lose for themselves. They are trying to help you. How you react to it is your choice, and the only one paying the price for your behavior is you.
Have you considered talking to a therapist, if AA or this group isn't working? Maybe one on one with the right kind of specific support you are looking for will help.
What I found worked, finally, for me is to not think of it as quitting alcohol, or denying myself, but finally deciding I wanted a better life for myself. To choose to heal, to choose sobriety, for myself. I wanted health and energy and to regain my old passions and joys and interests, free to experience life for real again. Not numbed and dimmed by alcohol. The kind of "joy" you are getting from alcohol is a hollow substitute, in the moment only, that brings misery in the long run.
YOU are worth it. You deserve better.