Thanks Jules. I have always had anxiety issues. I started having panic attacks in college. And I kept having them through my 30s. Stopped having them in my 40s. About 8 years ago was a low point in my life. It was the height of the Great Recession; I was afraid for my job, and that if I lost it (the company was deeply in debt, and I was afraid it was about to go out of business) I would not be able find another. MY marriage was in a shambles, as my then-wife was having an affair.
I got some great counseling, and it really helped. I also quit drinking for a long time. Then, I resumed regular drinking for no particular reason.
My drinking got out of hand in the last two years, the last year and a half especially. My social drinking got heavy, anxiety ramped up, and then I was drinking to deal with the anxiety and everything just snowballed. Before I knew it I was drinking a bottle of wine before 10 a.m. just to get through the morning.
Went through detox day after Christmas and was sober for a while. I have been battling with relapses over the last many months. I am not drinking like I used to. But it is enough to make my anxiety worse, and making it hard to get through the day without a drink.
I guess I just need to weather the Storm. But I really am tired of running this treadmill. I want my life back.