Originally Posted by
Wildwood 
i had a meeting (not AA) at the addiction centre today and i heard IT everywhere... [Examples of others' AV] ...
You cam turn that focus on yourself, Wildwood.
Originally Posted by
Wildwood what did it make me think? im not as bad as them. i know what they dont. why dont they get off the merry-go-round. yeah right. im sitting there too. i havent quit yet. im no better. i dont know enough. im still on that merry-go-round.
The underlined parts in your post, above, are your Addictive Voice.
Remember the definition of the Addictive Voice:
Any thinking or feeling that supports, suggests, or directs your possible future use of alcohol and other drugs.
The idea that you 'don't know enough' AVRT, and that you will keep drinking until do know enough, supports and suggests your possible future use of alcohol. It is AV -- the Beast barking
at you.
Combined with the 'I'm still on the merry go round', it almost amounts to the all-time classic AV Möbius strip: "If you could have quit, you would have quit, but you didn't quit, so you can't quit." (At least until you know enough, says the Beast.)
Originally Posted by
Wildwood i have the RR book and am reading it carefully, with notes and bookmarks. clever me eh? reading it is making the AV go nuts, and i have trouble ultimately separating it.
It may help you to understand that in AVRT, the Beast is not the cause of your addiction -- the Addictive Voice is. The Beast is a quadriplegic, and it can't actually 'do' anything except to 'bark' AV at you.
AV → Beast = Bark → Dog
The AV is the 'bark' of the Beast, in words and images, in your mind's eye and ear. It's subtle, but there is a distinction. The bark is not the dog, and the AV is not the Beast. The AV is merely its human voice.
Originally Posted by
Wildwood i suppose awarnes of that is a start. i can see it in myself and others but that sometimes i believe i am agreeing with it and saying 'when i finish the book' pure AV.
Don't attempt to debate with the AV, which argues both sides of all arguments anyway, and is indisputable. The Big Plan is the ultimate refutation, and anything the Beast says is dead wrong, even before it says it. Simply recognize your AV, and attribute it to the Beast -- to IT.
If you haven't made a Big Plan, consider making a temporary one, such as "I will not drink again until I completely finish reading the RR book."
This may help you with the Beast's stall and procrastination tactics.
Originally Posted by
Wildwood i dont read it when i have been drinking, i understand that. the 'clever me' was sarcastic. i'm getting there, the 'never'. i will get there.
Your Beast is certainly not sarcastic, Wildwood. It is reading the RR book along with you, and looking over your shoulder -- for loopholes. This is why it 'goes nuts', as you say. It senses danger. It knows that what you are reading is a potential 'death sentence' -- for IT.
Have you read through the main AVRT discussion threads? They may help clarify some things for you.
RR -